As I'm sure you're all aware by now, - at least I hope you know...you may want to sit down if you love holiday traditions - for the first time ever since its inception in 1966, there will be no Charlie Brown Halloween Special on broadcast television this year. As if 2020 couldn't possibly get any worse for children, or children-at-heart, Tim Cook pulled the biggest Lucy corporate "dick move" on all of us poor-old-sucker Charlie Browns. Even worse, Cook is taking the Peanuts Gang, and ALL of their specials - yes, even the Christmas one - and holding them hostage deep within his sphincter, also known as Apple Park in Cupertino, CA.
Why? Why would this man, who seemingly has everything he could ever want, steal joy from Americans in one of their most desperate years? Well, first: he's an asshole. I mean, it's not even really up for debate. Anyone who takes a free institution and holds it hostage, especially from children, is clearly an asshole and deserves to die a slow and painful death. Second? Corporate greed. Apple TV, while uber profitable, has one of the worst returns-on-investment for subscribers. Their programming notably includes Carpool Karaoke with that conceited ham, James Corden. 'Nuff said.
So, what's a good way to draw new customers in after all your Apple lemmings have bought in? Ransom. "You want to laugh at Charlie Brown getting a bag full of rocks? Come over here to our streaming service. It's TOTALLY FREE...for 7 days." Then boom, a month later, you're turning tricks at truck stops, just so you can pay yet another service fee to watch some classic holiday special you used to enjoy for free. Who's holding the bag of rocks now?
Well, not me. In accordance with my strict no-Apple stance since October 23, 2001 (when the iPod launched), I will not be giving them my money now either. I picked up the classic collection (the big 3, plus 6 additional specials) on Blu-Ray for $40. So, it turns out I won't have to squeeze my "free view" out from Tim Cook's rachet ass.
But, not everyone has that luxury. Streaming service in this country is a privilege, not a standard utility. It's a real shame how this has transpired, and that the general public only found out about 10 days before Halloween. If anyone deserves smashed pumpkins and a house t.p.-ing, it's that jack-wad, Tim Crook. When stewing over this whole debacle, I was trying to imagine with whom I identified most from the cast of characters. Was I down-on-my-luck Charlie Brown? Or was I poor Sally, floating through life innocently and being jilted come time for "tricks or treats". But, I think, in this instance I'm more like Linus. Perhaps, I wasn't sincere enough and The Great Pumpkin chose to pass me by. So, in order to not possibly lose out on anything else in the future to the greed of Apple, it is with great sincerity that I say: "Fuck you, Tim Cook!"
______________________________
Copyright 2020, Brendan McCann, All Rights Reserved.
Comments